How did you feel about our conflict and conversation and subsequent conversation about the conflict last night? HDIFAMA?

Dear LORD:

Thank you for Ruth. Thank you for our precious relationship. Let us love each other in the love you have for both of us. Keep of strong and pure together. Let us walk together in you. Give us your love. Keep us in your hands. Amen!

Dearest Ruth:

Your MEQ today (which it is still early) is the loving way that you took care of all of the car insurance cards and made sure Jeanae had one in her car. I love the way you take care of the family.

The way I feel about our conflict last night and so forth is peaceful and contented. I followed up later because I thought that when you said "You are not listening to me," that you were communicating something different. Since I was listening to you and heard every word you were saying, the statement was confusing. I translated in my mind, incorrectly apparently. I find that you say this fairly frequently, and often I am listening to you. You asked me to tell you how you should say that. I think what you are really saying is that you do not feel heard. You do not perceive that I am appreciating, validating and acknowledging what you are saying to me. That is translated in your mind into the statement "You are not listening." But I am listening. Perhaps you could say "I do not feel that you heard me." That statement is more about you and what you feel than about me and what I am doing.

We need to figure out a way that I can disagree with you about something factual or about a decision like making a purchase without it being interpreted that I am not listening. Frequently, I am actually listening to you and heard every word you said. In the case of last night, I did hear you. I just disagreed.

Ironically, I think you were right. We did not purchase the adapter kit. The guy said we did not need it. Which was the case. In this case it seems like a reasonable thing to do. So as I said last night, if it is going to be that much trouble, then fine let's go ahead and get the adapter kit. I am fine with that. It seems like a great idea right now.

As you pointed out, you thought that I had delegated the issue to you. But in my mind I still had the ball. Perhaps it is a symptom of my new attitude about our house. I am very involved in the matters of running our home at this point. I used to leave this completely in your hands. No longer. I need to be very involved in the day-to-day decisions of our home, and I need to know what is going on. I am not passive any longer. I will also never again allow you to make a decision I disagree with (like buying a butt-ugly bedroom set) and suffer silently while disagreeing with the decision in my heart. That just breeds resentment and silent conflict, leading to passive aggressiveness later. I do not ever want to get back into passive aggressive behavior. We need to always have an open and honest relationship. Which is what I was doing last night. That was me being open and honest with you. If we have a few conflicts along the way, so be it. That is way, way better than things building up silently over time.

Again, as of this morning, I had completely forgotten about the conflict. I was no longer thinking about it at all. I am completely at peace and calm about our interaction last night. It is very healthy that we are able to have a sharp disagreement, pray about it, and then discuss it calmly. When we went to bed last night, I was completely calm and content. The feeling was like the feeling you get when you have a really, really good nights sleep. Everything fine with the world. The color would be the pale pink of dawn peaking above the horizon on a beautiful spring day, with new life returning to the world, a hint of fog, and a bit of chill in the air. The promise of a really beautiful day coming. That was what I felt last night.

The way I feel about my answer is great! I love you and and I know that our relationship is very, very strong. I have no doubts about you at all. I know that you are as involved and concerned about the things of our home and family as I am. The fact that we are partners in this, both taking complete and total responsibility, is a great thing to me.

I love you always,
Me