MSL:
Thank you for the opportunity to dialog again. It has been too long. Your grace is pored out in our relationship on a daily basis. Thank you for your grace and provision for us in the area of our relationship.
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was telling me that you love me, you forgive me, and you want to work on our relationship. Your willingness to work on "us" is abundant and unending. There is simply no limit to it. I simply have to make a step towards you, and you take the step towards me. That has always been my experience. In the process, you and I go to another level.
The event that happened this morning had a lot to do with miscommunication, assumptions, and the like. The devil was busy at work on that occasion. In regards to your question, I suppose I would define the term "Choose your battles wisely" as follows:
1. In a given conflict, figure out if what you are fighting for matters and, more importantly, matter enough to justify the wear and tear on our relationship. Not all conflicts matter. Believe me, I overlook the vast, vast majority of stuff. And I know that you do too. I know that I have a quirky, iconoclastic, aberrational personality. I can grind on you. It is part of my nature to be a bit prickly at times. You are also quite intense, as you have noted on more than one occasion. We both have our personality issues in other words. So "choose your battles wisely" means that we need to overlook the trivial, meaningless and silly issues that might otherwise cause us to become conflicted.
2. On the other hand, the issues we really need to work through are the issues that really matter. It is hard to know how to define this really. But the important thing is that we know it when we see it.
In terms of the conflict we had this afternoon, in my view, this was not a battle I chose wisely. I should have simply gone with the fact that you were not going to be available, and dealt with it from there. I got my feelings hurt because I thought you were being unreasonable. It was only when I probed further that I found that your issue had to do with my emotional reaction to the events of Monday (when I went into emotional meltdown due to the fact that we missed the inspector's appointment). In the process, you felt that I blamed you (woulda, coulda, shoulda) and thus you decided to not be involved in this project in any further manner.
Actually, I was not annoyed with you. I was annoyed with Gary. As I expressed today (having made a trip back to the house, only to have to go back to Whole Foods a second time), Gary obviously has some issues. (Having told me that I did not need to be here, he then reversed himself, making me come back to the house. Once I was here, he reversed himself again, stating it was useless for me to be here. Go figure.)
Anyway, the project is done now, and I am glad about that. We finally have a new hot water heater, have unlimited hot water, and that is going to be a great thing for both of us. I don't know about you, but I plan to take lots and lots of baths in that new bathtub.
As annoyed as I am at Felix, one thing I will say: The advice to buy that new bathtub was good advice. I would not be nearly as happy with the bathroom as I am without that new tub. It was well worth the money.
To describe my feelings fully, I am excited about the new water heater, but I regret causing us to go through the stress of another conflict. My feeling is similar to the feeling of regret I had when we went to Nantahala, and it turned out to be such a foolish decision. You were certainly right that the children did not deserve the trust that I gave them in that occasion. I ended up being the chump in that situation, for sure. I am sorry that I yelled and cursed at you today. That was a bad thing for me to do. I really apologize for being a poopster. Will you please forgive me?
My feeling of regret is pretty strong, about an 8. It is like the color grey. Like a cloudy, rainy day, when you feel oppressed and gloomy. All day you don't want to go outside. You just hold up and hope it blows over.
Love,
Me
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
HDIF about our miracle? DYFF.
Dear LORD:
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for our miracle today. Bless you! Praise you! Hallelujah!
Dearest Ruth:
Your MEQ today was telling me the private things you shared with me at dinner, including the situation with your grandmother's medication (which you had actually never shared with another living soul). I felt very special to be given the privilege of knowing another side of you.
The way I feel about our miracle is thrilled, which is subdued slightly by a wait-and-see feeling about our daughter. On the one hand, I was thrilled with the way she responded to me during our conversation this morning. It was amazing. I actually expected her to push back strongly, and to have to get to the point of huge histrionics, packing her up, taking her to Sam's and Jon's apartment, etc. Of course, none of that happened.
At the same time, my level of enthusiasm is muted by realism. I am no fool. I understand thoroughly how entrenched drugs can be in young peoples' lives. I expect to have further issues with our daughter, and will be pleasantly surprised if this is the end of it. I am hopeful, but still watchful.
I told her if she uses drugs we will know. I told her that her mother is an amazing lie detector and she always finds out. We will see.
My strongest feeling is one of being thrilled. It is similar to the feeling of riding a very fun rollercoaster. The Incredible Hulk at Universal Studios / Florida comes to mind. It is an enormous, modern, steel coaster with a 2-stage linear motor. You go from 0 to 60 mph in less than a second. You do multiple loops, barrel rolls and the like. I love that coaster! This feeling is similar. The ride today was wild, to say the least. I love it!
The color would be like the bright white pop of an electronic flash bulb. Like the light going off in your head.
In terms of a shared memory, it would be like finding out that we had hundreds of thousands of dollars in tax refunds coming back to us. That felt like we had won the lottery.
For now, I think what happened today is wonderful. Let's take it one day at a time. I will be watching our daughter closely and expect to have more conversations.
I love you with an undying love.
Love,
Me
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for our miracle today. Bless you! Praise you! Hallelujah!
Dearest Ruth:
Your MEQ today was telling me the private things you shared with me at dinner, including the situation with your grandmother's medication (which you had actually never shared with another living soul). I felt very special to be given the privilege of knowing another side of you.
The way I feel about our miracle is thrilled, which is subdued slightly by a wait-and-see feeling about our daughter. On the one hand, I was thrilled with the way she responded to me during our conversation this morning. It was amazing. I actually expected her to push back strongly, and to have to get to the point of huge histrionics, packing her up, taking her to Sam's and Jon's apartment, etc. Of course, none of that happened.
At the same time, my level of enthusiasm is muted by realism. I am no fool. I understand thoroughly how entrenched drugs can be in young peoples' lives. I expect to have further issues with our daughter, and will be pleasantly surprised if this is the end of it. I am hopeful, but still watchful.
I told her if she uses drugs we will know. I told her that her mother is an amazing lie detector and she always finds out. We will see.
My strongest feeling is one of being thrilled. It is similar to the feeling of riding a very fun rollercoaster. The Incredible Hulk at Universal Studios / Florida comes to mind. It is an enormous, modern, steel coaster with a 2-stage linear motor. You go from 0 to 60 mph in less than a second. You do multiple loops, barrel rolls and the like. I love that coaster! This feeling is similar. The ride today was wild, to say the least. I love it!
The color would be like the bright white pop of an electronic flash bulb. Like the light going off in your head.
In terms of a shared memory, it would be like finding out that we had hundreds of thousands of dollars in tax refunds coming back to us. That felt like we had won the lottery.
For now, I think what happened today is wonderful. Let's take it one day at a time. I will be watching our daughter closely and expect to have more conversations.
I love you with an undying love.
Love,
Me
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
HDIFA advanced planning for special occasions or events? DYFF
Dear LORD:
Thank you that my love is home. I missed her. I got very, very lonely for her. She is very special to me.
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was the wonderful way you greeted me with an apology and a cup of tea this morning. Thank you very much for that!
The way I feel about advanced planning for special occasions is positive and hopeful. I think that advanced planning for things like birthdays, vacations, and the like is very, very important. We need to have the financial resources in place in order to avoid negative spending. We can avoid impulse purchasing that way too. We need to know what we are going to do and how much it is going to cost. This will save us lots of wear and tear on our relationship.
A balance is called for, though. We should have the flexibility to do spontaneous things on occasion as well. That is what adds zest and fun to our relationship. So we should not be too rigid about this, but we should be prudent and thoughtful. Mindfulness in other words.
My positive and hopeful feeling is pretty strong, about a 6. It is like the feeling that I had when we moved into this house, and left behind the ghosts and memories of the Shady Lawn house. Like we are getting a new start. Kind of like the girl on Forest Gump who liked New Year's Day.
Color-wise, it is a bright, sunny red, kind of like the color of your car.
I will post now. I have to leave soon.
Love,
Me
Thank you that my love is home. I missed her. I got very, very lonely for her. She is very special to me.
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was the wonderful way you greeted me with an apology and a cup of tea this morning. Thank you very much for that!
The way I feel about advanced planning for special occasions is positive and hopeful. I think that advanced planning for things like birthdays, vacations, and the like is very, very important. We need to have the financial resources in place in order to avoid negative spending. We can avoid impulse purchasing that way too. We need to know what we are going to do and how much it is going to cost. This will save us lots of wear and tear on our relationship.
A balance is called for, though. We should have the flexibility to do spontaneous things on occasion as well. That is what adds zest and fun to our relationship. So we should not be too rigid about this, but we should be prudent and thoughtful. Mindfulness in other words.
My positive and hopeful feeling is pretty strong, about a 6. It is like the feeling that I had when we moved into this house, and left behind the ghosts and memories of the Shady Lawn house. Like we are getting a new start. Kind of like the girl on Forest Gump who liked New Year's Day.
Color-wise, it is a bright, sunny red, kind of like the color of your car.
I will post now. I have to leave soon.
Love,
Me
Thursday, January 15, 2009
What do you love about our relationship? DYFF.
Dear LORD:
Be with my sweetheart and me as we communicate together. How I love her!
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was the way you calmed me down from being frustrated by Gretchen in the glasses store. You were perfect. You listened to my grousing for a good long while, and then when I became pedantic, you shut me up. I was able to go on because of your sensitivity. I love you!
The thing I most love about our relationship is the companionship of just being with you. I find it very relaxing, soothing, and satisfying to simply be in your presence. Like we were today when we were on our way to the mall. Or tonight when we were sitting in the family room together.
My favorite place to be is in the car with you, going somewhere. I love holding your hand. I love the feel of your skin against mine. I love to hear and feel your breath. I like to look over and see you there, my blue-eyed brownette, smiling back at me.
The way I feel about this is relaxed, calmed and soothed. Relaxed is the strongest feeling. You relax me. I think that is the best way to put it. You used to be my number one source of stress. No longer. Now you are my number one source of stress-relief!
It feels like the relaxing feeling you have on a cool summer evening, when you sit out on a verdant hillside, watching the sun go down, and seeing the stars come out in the sky, while you feel the cool, soft breeze, and hear the sound of the crickets in the distance. Just hanging there, between earth and sky, being, doing nothing in particular, nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Happy and content to just be.
That is how I feel with you now. I am just happy that we are who we are. I don't want to change you. I feel and know that you don't want to change me. We are happy and content with each other. At least, I know I am with you. It is wonderful to be simply, and quietly, us.
My feeling is strong, about a 9. It is like the color of the sky at sunset, a deep golden red mixed with pink and yellow. Or the color of the fireplace when it is going good and strong, when you stare into the fire and see the embers burning a deep, pinkish red, burnt through with orange. A warm, comforting glow.
In terms of a shared experience, it is like we were when we went on our trip to California and we were bopping around the Bay Area, just having fun, eating together in cool new restaurants and the like. What a fabulous trip!
I will post now, because you just did. I love you!
Love,
Me
Be with my sweetheart and me as we communicate together. How I love her!
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was the way you calmed me down from being frustrated by Gretchen in the glasses store. You were perfect. You listened to my grousing for a good long while, and then when I became pedantic, you shut me up. I was able to go on because of your sensitivity. I love you!
The thing I most love about our relationship is the companionship of just being with you. I find it very relaxing, soothing, and satisfying to simply be in your presence. Like we were today when we were on our way to the mall. Or tonight when we were sitting in the family room together.
My favorite place to be is in the car with you, going somewhere. I love holding your hand. I love the feel of your skin against mine. I love to hear and feel your breath. I like to look over and see you there, my blue-eyed brownette, smiling back at me.
The way I feel about this is relaxed, calmed and soothed. Relaxed is the strongest feeling. You relax me. I think that is the best way to put it. You used to be my number one source of stress. No longer. Now you are my number one source of stress-relief!
It feels like the relaxing feeling you have on a cool summer evening, when you sit out on a verdant hillside, watching the sun go down, and seeing the stars come out in the sky, while you feel the cool, soft breeze, and hear the sound of the crickets in the distance. Just hanging there, between earth and sky, being, doing nothing in particular, nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Happy and content to just be.
That is how I feel with you now. I am just happy that we are who we are. I don't want to change you. I feel and know that you don't want to change me. We are happy and content with each other. At least, I know I am with you. It is wonderful to be simply, and quietly, us.
My feeling is strong, about a 9. It is like the color of the sky at sunset, a deep golden red mixed with pink and yellow. Or the color of the fireplace when it is going good and strong, when you stare into the fire and see the embers burning a deep, pinkish red, burnt through with orange. A warm, comforting glow.
In terms of a shared experience, it is like we were when we went on our trip to California and we were bopping around the Bay Area, just having fun, eating together in cool new restaurants and the like. What a fabulous trip!
I will post now, because you just did. I love you!
Love,
Me
Saturday, November 1, 2008
HDIF when we slip into our old ways? DYFID
Dear LORD:
Thank you for today. I don't want to do anything particularly difficult today. Maybe go buy a food processor, which we need. Certainly do yoga this afternoon, hopefully with my sweetheart. That's about it. Thank you for a soft, lazy, gentle day together with the person that I love.
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was making an anti-rutty breakfast. It was delicious! Thanks so much for your creativity.
The question you ask is difficult because I am changing so fast. Maybe you can't see the internal process going on inside of me. But it is very much there. I am struggling, evolving and changing more than I have since we were first married. This is mostly a spiritual process. I can't explain it any other way. I had another deeply spiritual dream last night. I did not get to tell you about the last one, because we were interrupted at CPK by our son. This one was similar. If you like, I can tell you about it.
I suppose if there was an area where we fall into our old ways it would be the ruttiness. sometimes we get into ruts and habits. I am trying to break out of these and create new ones. At times if we get rutty, I feel the emotional distance forming between us. And that would be my strongest feeling: One of distance. If I look into your eyes and see nothing there in particular (as I did this morning at times), then I know that you are distant and I feel far from you.
At that point, I need to reach out to you. I need for you to know how important and vital you are to me, and to reaffirm our connection. We are very much in love, very much a couple and we are working towards a common dream, a common vision: A life of uniqueness, distinction and significance.
I love that you bought the book Half Time. This tells me that you are struggling with the same issues I am struggling with: What now? Yes, I have achieved a certain measure of success. Yes, I make a lot of money, which seems to please our financial planner, and which he wants me to preserve in a conservative, buy and hold strategy. I am not so sure I want to be that conservative at this point in my life. Having someone wipe my butt when I am too old and decrepit to do so for myself is something I am not particularly interested in hanging around for. I don't know about you, but if I have to work for 14 years at EMC in order to have the money to pay me $177 per day to come to my house and wipe my butt, I might as well kick it all right now.
There has got to be more to life than this.
The thing that lends the most significance to my life at this point, the point at which I feel the most fulfilled and the most at peace, is when you are in my arms and I am rubbing my hands on your body, feeling you melt beneath my fingers, hearing your sigh of pleasure and relaxation. You are the canvas upon which the painting of my love is formed. I find that moment to be the best, most fulfilling, most gentle and sensitive, moment of my day.
If I could find a way to gentle and sooth your soul and heart in the same way that my hands have found to sooth and gentle your back and your feet, that would be heaven! I long to touch your soul deeply, to reach into the crevices and secret inner folds of your mind, to cuddle and sooth you there, to entice you out of your hiding place and to set you free.
You remind me in so many ways of the dog Jojo that was on the show Dog Town last night. A dog who had been abused by humans and had lost the ability to trust. Eventually, Jojo found a way out of her shell. I pray that you find your way out too. I would love to be there with you when that happens.
And that, I would say, is the pattern you slip back into. For me it is ruttiness. For you it is the shell, the hiding place, the reclusive tendency to cacoon and hide from the world. When you begin to slip into that the feeling that I have is one of loss. I feel like I am losing you. That you are, again, slipping away into a place I cannot follow.
I am afraid that dropping out of school was a step in that direction. I fear the person you become when you are in that place of hiding, very distant and protective, very much closed and not open to me. I want for us to continue our dialog with each other, and with the world. I want for you to be free.
My strongest feeling, again, is one of distance. A feeling that you are in a place I cannot go, and that you are unavailable to me. A shared experience would be when I told you to pretend that I was dead when I was in Munich. This feeling can be very strong at times.
It is a pale grey, of the sky before dawn on a cold, cold night. It is a feeling which chills you to the bone.
I want for us to be vital, connected and loving to each other and to the community around us. I do not know how to make that happen, but I want it very much. And I want for you to come with me.
Love,
Me
Thank you for today. I don't want to do anything particularly difficult today. Maybe go buy a food processor, which we need. Certainly do yoga this afternoon, hopefully with my sweetheart. That's about it. Thank you for a soft, lazy, gentle day together with the person that I love.
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was making an anti-rutty breakfast. It was delicious! Thanks so much for your creativity.
The question you ask is difficult because I am changing so fast. Maybe you can't see the internal process going on inside of me. But it is very much there. I am struggling, evolving and changing more than I have since we were first married. This is mostly a spiritual process. I can't explain it any other way. I had another deeply spiritual dream last night. I did not get to tell you about the last one, because we were interrupted at CPK by our son. This one was similar. If you like, I can tell you about it.
I suppose if there was an area where we fall into our old ways it would be the ruttiness. sometimes we get into ruts and habits. I am trying to break out of these and create new ones. At times if we get rutty, I feel the emotional distance forming between us. And that would be my strongest feeling: One of distance. If I look into your eyes and see nothing there in particular (as I did this morning at times), then I know that you are distant and I feel far from you.
At that point, I need to reach out to you. I need for you to know how important and vital you are to me, and to reaffirm our connection. We are very much in love, very much a couple and we are working towards a common dream, a common vision: A life of uniqueness, distinction and significance.
I love that you bought the book Half Time. This tells me that you are struggling with the same issues I am struggling with: What now? Yes, I have achieved a certain measure of success. Yes, I make a lot of money, which seems to please our financial planner, and which he wants me to preserve in a conservative, buy and hold strategy. I am not so sure I want to be that conservative at this point in my life. Having someone wipe my butt when I am too old and decrepit to do so for myself is something I am not particularly interested in hanging around for. I don't know about you, but if I have to work for 14 years at EMC in order to have the money to pay me $177 per day to come to my house and wipe my butt, I might as well kick it all right now.
There has got to be more to life than this.
The thing that lends the most significance to my life at this point, the point at which I feel the most fulfilled and the most at peace, is when you are in my arms and I am rubbing my hands on your body, feeling you melt beneath my fingers, hearing your sigh of pleasure and relaxation. You are the canvas upon which the painting of my love is formed. I find that moment to be the best, most fulfilling, most gentle and sensitive, moment of my day.
If I could find a way to gentle and sooth your soul and heart in the same way that my hands have found to sooth and gentle your back and your feet, that would be heaven! I long to touch your soul deeply, to reach into the crevices and secret inner folds of your mind, to cuddle and sooth you there, to entice you out of your hiding place and to set you free.
You remind me in so many ways of the dog Jojo that was on the show Dog Town last night. A dog who had been abused by humans and had lost the ability to trust. Eventually, Jojo found a way out of her shell. I pray that you find your way out too. I would love to be there with you when that happens.
And that, I would say, is the pattern you slip back into. For me it is ruttiness. For you it is the shell, the hiding place, the reclusive tendency to cacoon and hide from the world. When you begin to slip into that the feeling that I have is one of loss. I feel like I am losing you. That you are, again, slipping away into a place I cannot follow.
I am afraid that dropping out of school was a step in that direction. I fear the person you become when you are in that place of hiding, very distant and protective, very much closed and not open to me. I want for us to continue our dialog with each other, and with the world. I want for you to be free.
My strongest feeling, again, is one of distance. A feeling that you are in a place I cannot go, and that you are unavailable to me. A shared experience would be when I told you to pretend that I was dead when I was in Munich. This feeling can be very strong at times.
It is a pale grey, of the sky before dawn on a cold, cold night. It is a feeling which chills you to the bone.
I want for us to be vital, connected and loving to each other and to the community around us. I do not know how to make that happen, but I want it very much. And I want for you to come with me.
Love,
Me
Sunday, October 5, 2008
HDIF when I put aside my feelings and reach out to you? DYFID.
Dear LORD:
Be with us today as we simply spend time together. I love Ruth so much! Help us to regroup, recharge and get ready for the next challenges of next week. Amen!
MDDL:
You MEQ today was giving me a smiling kiss when I brought you coffee. I love to kiss your smiling face!
The way I feel when I put aside my feelings and reach out to you is transformed.
I find that our relationship is a pathway for my spiritual transformation. As I deny myself and my feelings and reach out to you, I overcome the selfishness and self-centeredness of my ego, and my true nature shines through.
An example would be this week when I was calling you very frequently. I would be going along with my day, doing whatever, going to some meeting or another. I could have simply stayed in my spot, in my own feelings, desires and such. But instead I made a conscious decision to call you. I kept my mind, heart and feelings turned towards you. Because you were constantly on my mind, if I had a few minutes, I just hit "3" on my cellphone. If you were there, great! We always had a great talk, and you were thrilled to hear my voice, as I was to hear yours. If not, I left you a nice voicemail as well. Or I sent you a text.
I loved our texts this week, didn't you!
In this way, I stayed emotionally and spiritually connected to you all week. It was great! Not only did our emotional lives become fuller, but I overcame my funk. I stayed in a much better mood. I did not allow myself to wallow in self pity about being away from you and isolated. Instead, I did something constructive and productive about it. That's true transformation! Doing something about an issue in your life instead of wallowing. Yeah!
An example from nature of the feeling of transformation would be like a flower blooming, a small bud becoming a beautiful blossom. Or like a caterpillar spinning a cocoon and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly. Or perhaps like my refrigerator magnet of the baby turtle emerging from the egg.
It is a beautiful feeling, very strong, definitely a "10". The color is golden, like the sun.
I love you!
Love,
Me
Be with us today as we simply spend time together. I love Ruth so much! Help us to regroup, recharge and get ready for the next challenges of next week. Amen!
MDDL:
You MEQ today was giving me a smiling kiss when I brought you coffee. I love to kiss your smiling face!
The way I feel when I put aside my feelings and reach out to you is transformed.
I find that our relationship is a pathway for my spiritual transformation. As I deny myself and my feelings and reach out to you, I overcome the selfishness and self-centeredness of my ego, and my true nature shines through.
An example would be this week when I was calling you very frequently. I would be going along with my day, doing whatever, going to some meeting or another. I could have simply stayed in my spot, in my own feelings, desires and such. But instead I made a conscious decision to call you. I kept my mind, heart and feelings turned towards you. Because you were constantly on my mind, if I had a few minutes, I just hit "3" on my cellphone. If you were there, great! We always had a great talk, and you were thrilled to hear my voice, as I was to hear yours. If not, I left you a nice voicemail as well. Or I sent you a text.
I loved our texts this week, didn't you!
In this way, I stayed emotionally and spiritually connected to you all week. It was great! Not only did our emotional lives become fuller, but I overcame my funk. I stayed in a much better mood. I did not allow myself to wallow in self pity about being away from you and isolated. Instead, I did something constructive and productive about it. That's true transformation! Doing something about an issue in your life instead of wallowing. Yeah!
An example from nature of the feeling of transformation would be like a flower blooming, a small bud becoming a beautiful blossom. Or like a caterpillar spinning a cocoon and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly. Or perhaps like my refrigerator magnet of the baby turtle emerging from the egg.
It is a beautiful feeling, very strong, definitely a "10". The color is golden, like the sun.
I love you!
Love,
Me
Sunday, September 28, 2008
HDIF about being responsible for my own needs? DYFF
MDDL:
You MEQ today was the cute way you thanked me for being with you today at lunch and when we went shopping. That was precious!
The way I feel about being responsible for my own needs, especially during this period of heavy travel load, is lonely.
I miss you, honestly.
I am very, very glad that we are going to be together in California during the middle of October. I have missed having you with me. I love to be with you.
The loneliness that I feel when I travel alone, and am responsible for my own needs, is like the first day you come to a new school as a child. Your best friend has been left behind at your old school. You don't know anyone here. And all of your peers have established their own little cliches which don't include you. You are effectively alone in a roomful of people, strangers who don't know you and don't care about you. You cannot seem to find a connection. You are afraid you might never become integrated into this new group.
That is the way it feels to me. I come to yet another city, yet another hotel, yet another set of meetings, all of which should be very glamorous and exciting. Except for one thing. You are not there. The one person on this ball of rock that I most care about and most long to be with is left behind.
It is like the color brown. Yucky and dark and heavy. It feels like I am covered with a coating of lead, like my arms and legs are heavy and leaden. I am listless. I have no energy. I just want to be with you. I just want to break free of the weight of this tiresome duty. I want to come home.
My feeling when I am away from you is very, very strong, definitely a 110. I hate it.
I would love to find a job which does not require me to pay this price. I will work on that some more.
I must close now. It is time to go to yoga. I look forward to dialoging with you tonight.
Love,
Me
You MEQ today was the cute way you thanked me for being with you today at lunch and when we went shopping. That was precious!
The way I feel about being responsible for my own needs, especially during this period of heavy travel load, is lonely.
I miss you, honestly.
I am very, very glad that we are going to be together in California during the middle of October. I have missed having you with me. I love to be with you.
The loneliness that I feel when I travel alone, and am responsible for my own needs, is like the first day you come to a new school as a child. Your best friend has been left behind at your old school. You don't know anyone here. And all of your peers have established their own little cliches which don't include you. You are effectively alone in a roomful of people, strangers who don't know you and don't care about you. You cannot seem to find a connection. You are afraid you might never become integrated into this new group.
That is the way it feels to me. I come to yet another city, yet another hotel, yet another set of meetings, all of which should be very glamorous and exciting. Except for one thing. You are not there. The one person on this ball of rock that I most care about and most long to be with is left behind.
It is like the color brown. Yucky and dark and heavy. It feels like I am covered with a coating of lead, like my arms and legs are heavy and leaden. I am listless. I have no energy. I just want to be with you. I just want to break free of the weight of this tiresome duty. I want to come home.
My feeling when I am away from you is very, very strong, definitely a 110. I hate it.
I would love to find a job which does not require me to pay this price. I will work on that some more.
I must close now. It is time to go to yoga. I look forward to dialoging with you tonight.
Love,
Me
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