HDIF about being responsible for my own needs? DYFF

MDDL:

You MEQ today was the cute way you thanked me for being with you today at lunch and when we went shopping. That was precious!

The way I feel about being responsible for my own needs, especially during this period of heavy travel load, is lonely.

I miss you, honestly.

I am very, very glad that we are going to be together in California during the middle of October. I have missed having you with me. I love to be with you.

The loneliness that I feel when I travel alone, and am responsible for my own needs, is like the first day you come to a new school as a child. Your best friend has been left behind at your old school. You don't know anyone here. And all of your peers have established their own little cliches which don't include you. You are effectively alone in a roomful of people, strangers who don't know you and don't care about you. You cannot seem to find a connection. You are afraid you might never become integrated into this new group.

That is the way it feels to me. I come to yet another city, yet another hotel, yet another set of meetings, all of which should be very glamorous and exciting. Except for one thing. You are not there. The one person on this ball of rock that I most care about and most long to be with is left behind.

It is like the color brown. Yucky and dark and heavy. It feels like I am covered with a coating of lead, like my arms and legs are heavy and leaden. I am listless. I have no energy. I just want to be with you. I just want to break free of the weight of this tiresome duty. I want to come home.

My feeling when I am away from you is very, very strong, definitely a 110. I hate it.

I would love to find a job which does not require me to pay this price. I will work on that some more.

I must close now. It is time to go to yoga. I look forward to dialoging with you tonight.

Love,
Me