Dear LORD:
Please preserve us through the up-coming period of high travel. I am not happy about my job demanding such a sacrifice from us. But right now there is little I can do about it. As I continue to look for more practical ways to make a living, please be with both of us and keep our relationship fresh, vital, and loving. Amen!
MDDL:
Your MEQ today was the beautiful smile you gave me when we prayed over our oatmeal this morning. I loved your glowing face when I looked up from praying. You were and are so beautiful!
The way I feel about the up-coming travel is stressed. There is a pit in my stomach about it. I do not want to travel in this way. I feel like I have fallen into a trap again. NetApp was a trap. It sabotaged our relationship for me to work there. I don't want EMC to become the same thing.
I am also stressed about the effect of this set of trips on our relationship. I want for us to come up with a plan in which we will be able to remain connected and related during this period. Perhaps we can pray and dialog every day? They will suck up huge amounts of my time in meetings, no doubt, but I will make a concerted effort to make time for us. If I could know that you are with me in this, and that our relationship is strong, that would relieve much of my anxiety about these trips.
Ultimately, as I have told you already, I want to get out of IT and find another way of making a living. IT has been a great gig for us, but I am very tired of it. As I contemplate the prospect of learning yet another supposedly cool technology (uck), I am filled with a sense of sameness. Boring! How many times have I grappled with a piece of software or hardware and wrestled it to the ground. It ceases to challenge. Yes, I can do this. Yes, I am very good at it. But it's becoming like doing the dishes, clipping your toenails, picking your nose, or any number of other slightly annoying, boring, repetitive tasks. It is inevitable that the industry is going to churn out yet another piece of software or hardware that supposedly "changes everything". It really changes nothing. It just generates work for people like me and makes money for already rich companies. Ultimately, I am just a tool of the machine.
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of this.
I want to do something new, something exciting, something that really does change the world. Yes, I know. I need to focus on myself. In that sense EMC has been very good to us, and I need to remember that. It has been a low demand, relatively easy job much of the time. And it has given us time to heal, time to focus on us, our children, and my health. That is a good thing, and I need to maintain an attitude of gratitude about that.
But I still can't help being resentful, angry, stressed out and anxious about all those %^&*()%$%$% trips!
Most of all, I am afraid that this will cause you to leave me. I guess I still feel some insecurity about that. Maybe less and less as time goes by. You have no idea how important you are to me. If we had to live in a teacup and eat crusts of bread while covering our heads with a handkerchief in order to keep off the rain, I would be OK as long as you are with me. If I had a palatial mansion with 100 servants and you were not there, I would be lost.
Please accept my heartfelt and true assurance that I have no desire to get on planes and galavant around the world. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo over that! It would be wonderful if you were with me. But if you are not there, I am just a depressed, sad and lonely man.
Please, please, please be with me. In spirit if not in body. Let's figure out a way for us to be as strong and true to each other as we are today in this.
Love,
Me
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