HDIF about Jeff's job situation? DYFF.

Dear LORD:

Please help me in the area of my job. I am struggling. I am crying out to you. I need your guidance right now. Amen.

Dearest Ruth:

Your MEQ today was getting up and checking on Jeanae. I appreciate you staying engaged with her!

My strongest feeling about my job is trapped.

The combination of the negative environment, the loss of any sense of control over my program, the renewed travel demands, and the $30K 401K loan which effectively prevents me from leaving EMC is making me feel a smothering feeling of entrapment.

I will readily admit that I do not know what to do at this point. So I guess that's another feeling: Confusion. I really do not know where to turn at this point.

So I am trying lots of things. Looking for another spot somewhere within EMC. Looking for jobs outside of EMC (with the caveat that that involves a hire-on bonus big enough to get us out of the 401K loan). You get the idea.

I am also frustrated, annoyed, angry, and disappointed. I worked very hard in the Commercial Solutions group, was told that I had done a really great job and that the results I had achieved had great value in the company. I was told that EMC was lucky to have me, that I was one of the most valuable employees in the company.

And then they fucked me.

It just doesn't make any sense.

So there is another feeling: Injustice. Betrayal. You get the idea.

The strongest feeling, though, is one of being trapped. Another word for that is enslaved. It feels as though I am a slave to this job.

I want to be set free. I want to live with choices. I am tired of working in this abusive, negative environment.

I do not get up in the morning raring to go. I am not enthusiastic about the prospect of running more tests and publishing more documents. It has become like a chore. Something I do to make money to live. That's not what a job should be.

I want to be passionate. I want to be engaged. I want to be enthusiastic and happy about what I do for a living. I have to spend too much time doing it to be miserable.

But right now, I feel that I have few choices. I am trying to create some additional choices. Nothing really solid yet. Maybe that will become more clear over the next few days.

So we will go with trapped. I feel trapped and enslaved. It is a 10, no question. It feels like I cannot escape from this trap that has me chained to this job. The color would be a dark grey. Gloomy and depressing.

In terms of a shared experience, it feels like the time when we heard about the IRS AltMin liability. Trapped by circumstances and situations outside our control. Our freedom robbed from us.

Love,
Me