HDIF about what happened with Jeanae yesterday? DYFF.

Dear LORD:

Help Ruth and I with Jeanae. She is a challenge and a handful. We are struggling with her education, and need your strong hand of guidance and comfort. Please be with us in the midst of this trial.

MDDL:

It's kind of early for you to have an MEQ yet. You were cute when you got up, though. All sleepy and kind of cuddly. Last night your MEQ was the cute little dance you did when you got your interview with the Refectory Cafe. I am so proud of you for following through on that!

The way I feel now about what happened last night is pretty good. We had some stressful points in the discussion last night, no question. But it ended up OK. I did have to work through it with Jeanae. I didn't feel like we really worked through it completely though. Maybe that's what we are trying to do now.

The episode started with dinner at Whole Foods last night. You gave me the WNTT message. You might want to come up with a different way of saying that. WNTT is a hot button for me, similar to my use of the word "edgy" for you. I always get very stress out when you say "We need to talk". Anyway, I could tell that you were concerned, frustrated, and somewhat burned out on the issue of Jeanae at dinner.

I could relate, to be honest.

When I got home, I immediately engaged with Jeanae and while we were in the process of discussing the issue, you came in. Things got out of hand pretty quickly at that point. I made every effort to support you (and certainly not to undermine you) in that conversation. I felt like I ended up in trouble anyway. I am often mystified of how I with a heart full of good intentions can end up on the wrong side of your emotions, but that was certainly the case last night. I was frustrated by this. I was trying very hard to do exactly what you needed me to do in that situation: Engage with our daughter and help her to come to a state of peace and tranquility about the challenges of her education. It was a classic "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation for me. Having waded in, and doing the best I could, I ended up in trouble anyway.

I resolved at that point to not react, and simply let things cool down. Eventually, Jeanae came down, and her affect was mostly that she was concerned about the two of us. (My response: "OK is such a strong word. But I am sure your Mom and I will be fine.") At that point she crawled into my lap and we worked through the issue together.

I am not sure what I did to resolve the issue, honestly, but she seemed to appreciate it very much. I ended up being the local hero, much to my surprise, as well, I am sure, to yours.

So in the end, Jeanae was OK. Are you OK? I asked you last night and you said that you were.

I guess my strongest feeling would be tentative. Please accept that I am a basically good man full of love and good intentions towards you and our daughter, doing the best I can in a fairly challenging situation. The dynamics of Jeanae combined with the care and feeding of our new found love is often challenging and complex. It certainly was last night. I humbly apologize for anything which I did to offend you. You are the love of my life, and my highest priority. You are the center of my heart. My goal is to make things as easy and simple for you as possible.

My feeling of tentativeness is not terribly strong, maybe a 4 or 5. I have basically gone on, but I am still a bit confused by our conflict last night. In terms of a shared experience, I could choose any number of confusing and strange conflicts during the pre-separation stage of our relationship in which I would try to do the right thing and end up in trouble.

In that case, I often reacted and shut down. I didn't do that last night. Maybe that's a sign of change.

Know that I love you, that my love for you is strong, secure, deep, wide, tall, broad, and everlasting.

Love,
Me