We have not dialogued for almost one week. HDIFAT?

Dear LORD:

Help us to remain faithful to dialogging. It is so important. We must remain connected and intimate, and dialogging is such an important part of that. Amen!


MDDL:

Your MEQ today was being sensitive to my body and knowing that I needed to go to the health club. You knew me better than I knew myself! You are so special and considerate of me!

I have missed dialogging. I did not want to be demanding of you while you were sick, so I did not push our continuing to dialog. I waited for you to feel better. I am so glad that you feel better now.

I find dialogging very special. It is a special way for me to connect to you in the area of emotions. I have been a cold, unemotional person for much of my life. This was because my emotions were so profoundly toxic and powerfully negative that if I ever allowed myself to feel them fully, I was afraid I would lose myself in them.

Knowing you has allowed me to become more emotionally. This is because the process of losing our way and then rediscovering it has brought many emotions to the surface. I am feeling now.

I feel like the character in the movie equilibrium. Once he stops taking his "dose", he begins to feel emotions. That's what this feels like. An awakening to a new state.

I always wondered why I so profoundly related to the struggle of Data in the TV series Star Trek TNG. He wanted so badly to have emotions. Yet he saw how humans struggled with them. This is how I felt. In many ways I have been cut off from simply human feelings most of my life. I simply did not give myself the luxury of feeling them. Or if I did they terrified me, with their gruesome, brutal power. I can now face them and deal with them more functionally and fully than I have ever been able to do. This is the result of the growth in life that has occurred in me from the recovery of our love and tenderness.

I feel. I have feelings now. Dialogging gets me in touch with those feelings. They are amazing. I am tired right now. Profoundly and amazingly tired. But that's OK. It is simply a feeling.

I have also been in a lot of pain. Emotions are like physical pain and pleasure in a way. We use the same verb, to feel, for both sensations. I am in a state of constant physical discomfort. I have learned to not feel this. I do not think that is a good thing anymore. I am tired of having to not feel. I want to experience these feelings as well. I want to be well again.

I need your help with that. Maybe we can dialog on that later.

I felt wistful and sad that we were not dialogging, but now we are again, so I feel happy. My feeling of being happy is like a sunflower. It is a joyful feeling. I like to dialog with you soooo much. It is a wonderful way for us to share our feelings. If it were a color, it would be bright sunny yellow.

Your love and our relationship fill me with joy and hope. When we are not talking, spending time together, or such, I feel sad and lonely. When we get to be together and talk, or hang out, I am happy and content. I really want to be with you and to be connected with you sooo much. I love you dearly.

Love,
Me